Magen

A Disconnect

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:42:53 GMT

I know I don't write here very often. In fact, it was 17 weeks ago that I bothered to write anything, I'm sure it was more time before that before I decided to post my last entry. It's very easy to forget I'm around, haha. Honestly, there isn't a big reason that I don't post. No super busy schedules, no huge family problems... just a feeling that I have nothing to share.

My senior year, frankly, has been MORE uneventful than my junior year. I know it' because I don't put myself out there much, and I prefer to stay at home rather than go out with my friends on most days (not that I'm usually invited). I'm a very quiet loner.

The most recent news I have to give is that overall I'm in a more mellow, happy disposition than I was in previous years. I can't really say why I'm suddenly more cheerful. If anything, I should be more upset because of the big change coming in my life. I haven't applied to any colleges, and I can honestly say that I have no career path in mind. I really should probably be more stressed, right?

But I'm not. In fact, I may be a little too casual about all of this. It's always a little stressful to hear about what all of my friends are doing for college, and how they're already applying. They make it seem like their lives absolutely depend on applying to fifty colleges withing the first semester of school. And most of them can't tell me for sure what they're going to be doing once they get there. Why not wait a little while? Or go to a small college and figure out what they want to do first.

Apparently I'm the only one that thinks that this is a good idea. My counselor actually tells me, "Oh, I wouldn't recommend that for you. You should go to the biggest school you can find", completely disregarding my personality in favor for my test scores. Yes, I know that I have a lot of potential that could... potentially be wasted at a small school. But I don't want to be surrounded by a lot of people. I don't need to go to a big school just to take basic courses. I don't need, at least not now, to waste that kind of time and money.

Even worse is that the only thing I'm good at, English, is apparently a terrible major to consider in terms of a career. I always hear about people that majored and English and can't get teaching jobs, and really that's the only thing an English major can do. But what if I just want to get a decent job and just want to say, "Hey, I graduated college with something, right?"

Would that be enough?

Either way, in terms of family news, things are... not going too well. I found out that my Great Aunt Kathy died, and my other Aunt's alcoholism is getting worse. The feeling of disconnect I mention in the title stem from these things. Even though they're my family, I couldn't honestly say that I was sad when I heard about Aunt Kathy, or that I'm terribly worried about nameless Aunt.

In fact, I'm a bit like my dad in that respect: he's always criticizing her stupidity for letting it get that far and his frustration that the family isn't doing what they should to make her better, and I agree. If you know she'll literally drink ANYTHING to get her kicks, GET RID OF IT. Don't let it get so far that she's completely wasted all the time and ending up in jail. Keep an eye on her, make sure she can't go anywhere, get any alcohol, anything.

Instead, she's getting DUI's, drinking pure vanilla because it has alcohol in it, and walking along high ways to get home from work, as well as getting herself out of rehab. I think they're being too lenient with her; they're enabling her and at this rate she'll die BECAUSE she's not drinking.

But then I wonder: why don't I care? Why can't I honestly say that I care about someone, even if they're my own family? It's strange, I know it's not normal for people to not care about anyone around them, especially if there's no reason that I shouldn't care. But I never really worry about my friends, or think "I could never live without them" and the same foes for my family.

I'm curious about what happened that I would completely devalue all of my relationships with everyone... it could explain why I put such little effort into communicating with other people.

...In completely unrelated news I got a new computer because my other one COMPLETELY died. It's a very nice computer and though I mourn the loss of the files I had on my other computer, this one overall runs so much better than my old one and I'm very happy with it. The only thing I don't like is the touchpad. It's very sensitive and has other functions, so it often goes back a page when I don't want it to, and the mouse buttons are irritating. I need a desk so I can use a wireless mouse...

Resurrection Tommy

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:58:26 GMT

Just a quick thing I wrote with Tommy and Jennifer. I felt bad because I realized I had forgotten he existed. :[

Well, I brought him back to life last night, and I'm relatively happy with the results, so feedback and such would be loved.

“Jesus!”

“Sorry!”

There was a long moment of silence, the tension in the air obvious as she tried to catch her breath. Jenn usually wasn’t so easy to scare, but she was starting to notice that she was becoming more skittish as the years went on. She briefly wondered why she seemed to do things backwards, before shaking her head and giving the man near her a baleful glare.

Then again, maybe she shouldn’t be surprised; dear, sweet Tommy had been the bane of her existence for many a year. She certainly shouldn’t be surprised that he’d be the one to sneak up and grab her in an old house, scaring her to the point of shrieking like—well, a little girl.

But she also found him to be the most reliable of the people she knew outside of her family. It seemed no matter how often they argued they always came back to each other.

Tommy returned her glare with a very solemn expression. “I’m not the Boogeyman. Relax, chickadee,” he said carefully, the drawl making it seem all the more drawn out and patronizing. To her own surprise, Jennifer didn’t lash out at him for the statement.

“What are you doing here?” she hissed, moving closer to him in an attempt to intimidate him. Tommy met her challenge by leaning dangerously close, causing both of them to go slightly cross eyed.

Jennifer backed off first.

“What are you doing here?” he countered calmly, eyeing her. She returned the favor, noticing that he was dressed in dark clothes as well. Suddenly embarrassed, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked away from him.

There was another long moment of silence, during which she was sure Tommy continued to stare, before he finally made a dismissive sound. “I bet I know why,” he said slyly, successfully regaining her attention. They glared again, a silent challenge.

The dust falling in the air made Jenn’s nose itch, and she ruined the moment by sneezing.

“You’re here lookin’ for a cheap thrill, is that it?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” she grumbled, sniffling and idly rubbing the sleeve of her black sweater on her nose. She chose to ignore Tommy’s smug look.

“This house is haunted… ‘least that’s what I keep hearing. You trying to find one? A ghost, I mean,” he asked casually, inspecting his beat up gym shoes. Jennifer stared at him.

“Haunted?”

Tommy looked up at her again, a calculating look. He looked disappointed for a moment, perhaps because he was realizing he was wrong. “Yeah, why else would you be in this dump?”

Jennifer glanced around, looking at the dusty floors and the mess left by teens and trouble makers of other ages; beer cans, spray paint cans, paper and other things that she figured would be expected in an abandoned house people thought was haunted.

The house—or maybe it really was just a dump—was certainly eerie enough that she could understand why the rumors would have been spread; it hadn’t stopped creaking since she stepped inside, and was old enough to give the feeling that it, along with something else, was watching you as you walked by.

But she had no impression of it truly being haunted.

She sighed, looking at Tommy again, struggling to find an answer. Why had she come in? No one had asked her to … she hadn’t even been dared too, the only person dumb enough—and her age—that she knew around here to do that was Tommy, and he had apparently been lurking somewhere.

Apparently realizing he wasn’t going to get an answer he sighed, running a hand through dark hair and idly rubbing his scalp. “You’re a strange bird,” he muttered. “Came in here for no damn reason, didn’t you?”

“Well why are you here?” she demanded again, irritated with him. He blinked slowly, shrugging.

“I’m bored and I haven’t got anything else to do but bum in an abandoned house.”

Jennifer gave him a suspicious look, knowing that there was obviously either a different story or something more to it. Tommy was never one to be completely straight-forward with someone.

“I ain’t tellin’ you nothin’ until you tell me,” Tommy said finally, laying down the ultimatum. He always seemed to be the one to get to it first. He glanced around for a moment, before pulling up an old wooden box to use as a chair.

He watched with a brief look of satisfaction as the blonde in front of him bristled in irritation, and he half expected her to snap and he would once again be victim to her temper.

“I just …” she trailed off, shaking her head and anxiously clenching her fists. “I felt I had to come in, it was just an urge. And I was going to leave before you slipped out of the shadows and scared me.”

“Ah, and it was fun,” he said wistfully, looking up at the dark and cobweb covered ceiling and lights. Jennifer reached out and swatted his arm, bringing him out of his happy recollection.

“You have to tell me now,” she said shortly, glaring at him. Tommy lifted his shoulders in a shrug, standing up and looking down at her. He’d managed to gain a few inches over her now that they were in young adult-hood.

“I was bored and had nothing better to do than knock out some windows and trash an old house,” he said simply. “But then I saw someone sneaking in and thought that was more interesting.”

The impending silence was interrupted by a scuffling that had Jennifer screaming again and Tommy swearing as she jumped and nearly knocked him to the ground. They hardly seemed to notice that, out of impulse, they had latched onto each other.

“Just a mouse or somethin’,” Tommy said weakly, glancing around carefully for a sign of the creature. “You probably scared it off with your squawking, chickadee,” he grumbled, letting go of her and continuing his search.

“Well don’t look for it!” Jennifer snapped anxiously.

“Alright, alright. Fair princess is too afraid, I get it,” he sighed, walking back over to her. “Are you staying with Ponyboy and them again?”

“Darry and Grace,” she muttered, watching as Tommy dusted off his pants.

“And their kids, I’m assuming,” he said, looking at her carefully. Jenn shifted uncomfortably as he looked at her; she always felt like he was looking for something specific when he looked at her, but she could never guess what.

“Obviously.”

“Sounds like a hell of a time.”

“Why don’t you ever visit them, Tommy?”

The careful question earned her an irritated glance, and she knew he’d probably give her a round-about answer that completely avoided the question so he could change the topic.

“Too many people,” he said simply. “I’m tired of this place, I’m heading out,” he added suddenly, turning and moving swiftly to the door. And Jennifer, suddenly nervous about being left alone, followed him out into the fresh night air.

“I’m surprised they don’t have a search party out looking for you,” Tommy said, leaping over the steps of the porch while Jennifer slowly stomped down them.

“So am I,” she said, shrugging. She paused, grabbing the back of his sweater before he could run away. “Or maybe they did?”

He jerked out of her grasp fixing her with a blank stare. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“They didn’t call you asking if you knew where I was?”

As Tommy grew uncomfortable under her gaze, she couldn’t help but smirk. It felt good to have finally switched the roles, watching him squirm under her scrutiny. Yes, victory was sweet and was even better with a side of revenge.

“They didn’t call me,” he said defensively. “I was going out to cause trouble anyway, and I heard Dad talking on the phone. I figured if I saw you I’d scare you and tell you to go home.”

“You’re such a liar,” Jenn grumbled, walking past him to the sidewalk. She ignored the fact that Tommy walked after her. “You’re not some tough, punk ass kid at all.”

“The hell I’m not,” he snapped, sounding offended.

“You’re not.” She paused, turning to look at him. “I don’t get it Tommy, why do you still act like this? You’re not sixteen anymore.”

“Who the hell told you I wanted your advice on how I act?” he asked angrily, stalking towards her. “You’re the one who snuck out at night to see some stupid house, for all you knew you could have fallen through the floor or something, or run into some freak in there!”

“As far as I know, I did run into a freak,” she said haughtily, her hands finding her hips. “Sneaking in just to scare me for some cheap thrill.”

“Oh, shut up, you should be thanking me that you didn’t get hurt.”

“How are you so sure that I would have been hurt in the first place?”

“Because that house is falling apart, you idiot! If you had looked around you would have noticed the floor already had holes in it.”

Jennifer gave him a sulky look, ignoring his own irritated expression to reflect on what a jerk he was. Like she would fall through the floor; she wasn’t an idiot, she was going to college soon after all. And what was he doing with his life? Sneaking around the neighborhood at night like he was still a kid.

“I don’t need your advice either,” she said finally. “You’re the idiot, not me; at least I’m doing something with my life.”

He flinched, before reaching out and grabbing the front of her sweater and shaking her in irritation. “You’re a stupid bitch, what the hell could you be doing with your life? Running around in abandoned houses, talking to dead people…” he shoved her back, barely wincing as Jennifer shoved him in return. “You’re the freak, not me!”

“You—you stupid—I hate you!” she snapped, reaching out and slapping him across the face as hard as she could manage. “I’m not a freak! I’m not!”

Tommy glared at her, rubbing his cheek to try and relieve the sting. To his credit, he did look a bit sorry for what he had said, but it was diminished slightly with his irritation at being hit. He couldn’t very well hit her back either; he didn’t want to actually hurt her.

Well, at the moment he did, but he’d regret it later. He frowned as he watched her chin jut out and as her eyes began to blink rather rapidly he had the feeling that soon he’d have a crying woman on his hands.

“I’m going home,” she said stubbornly, trying to play off the fact that her voice had obviously cracked during that short sentence. “And I don’t want to see you again,” she added, making Tommy roll his eyes at the pouty tone.

“You said the same thing last time,” he pointed out.

“Well you snuck up on me. That doesn’t mean I wanted to see you,” she said defensively, straightening her sweater as she took in a deep breath and rubbed her eyes. “Now, go home, Tommy,” she grumbled, moving past him to finally make it to the sidewalk so she could return to Darry and Grace’s.

Tommy seemed to be happy ignoring her order, because she could hear him walking behind her. But if he was going to ignore what she said, then she would ignore him. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of showing her annoyance. He was just trying to get another rise out of her, that was it, and he wasn’t going to get it.

It wasn’t until she was nearly back to her temporary home that she finally turned to look at him. “Your house is in the opposite direction,” she pointed out, raising a finger to guide him in the right direction.

“Oh, give it a rest,” he grumbled, walking up to her and forcing her hand down before pushing her along. “You should know by now I don’t listen to anything you say. And their house is closer anyway; maybe I’m too tired to make the long walk back home.”

“Liar,” she said, quickly jerking away from him though he only grabbed her wrist and continued walking. Jennifer finally gave up, holding her head up to keep some of her dignity. “I hope you die in a ditch.”

“And when I die I’ll haunt you,” he said lightly, leaning towards her again in a leering sort of manner. “And follow you everywhere.”

Jennifer grabbed his face with her free hand. “And I’ll make sure to call an exorcist,” she grumbled, before shrieking in disgust as she jerked her hand away. “That’s disgusting!” she snapped, wiping her now saliva covered hand on his sweater.

“Yeah, yeah, say what you want,” he muttered, grabbing her other wrist to stop her. He fixed her with a rather serious look, one that stopped her protest. “Seriously Jenn, you need to stop running around like this, you scare everyone when you do.”

“What do you mean? You make it sound like I do this all the time,” she said indignantly.

“I’m serious, Jennifer,” he said irritably. “You’re always running around chasing things that no one else can see and you worry everyone. The last time you were here you ran into the middle of traffic, remember?”

She blushed and looked down, apparently ashamed; that hadn’t been one of her brighter moments, and she’d been horribly embarrassed for months. Tommy had, again, been the one to drag her back home. But to her surprise this had been the first time he had brought it up.

“And now I find you in an abandoned house and you can’t even tell me why you were in there in the first place… you have to be careful, Jenn,” he said solemnly, staring her down when she finally looked back up at him.

Did he think she was losing her mind? Was she?

“Yeah, sorry,” she said finally, carefully pulling her wrists away from him. “I’ll be careful,” she added automatically, giving him a few firm pats on his shoulder before leading him the rest of the way to Darry and Grace’s. “You’re so cute when you’re worried.”

“Shut up.”

So, Kate Spanked her Kid. Big deal.

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 02:32:05 GMT

To be honest, I've only been loosely following the latest drama with Jon and Kate; I do sometimes watch the show. Come on, the kids are adorable. But of course everyone's noticed that their relationship was sort of... well, falling apart. Kate spent more time rolling her eyes and snapping than ever, so I can't say I was surprised by the fact that they may be splitting. To be honest, I think they would have fallen apart sooner without the income coming from the show.

But on the TV guide channel I noticed that they were talking about the fact that, heaven forbid, Kate spanked her child for not doing what she was told. I couldn't help but wonder what the big deal was.

I'll admit, I've probably only been spanked once that I can remember; my mother can't bring herself to hit a child, and while I admit that it can often lead to abuse, and I don't think it's particularly necessary for small transgressions, it made me wonder where the stigma of that kind of punishment came from.

Did it spur itself from the children who, unavoidably, grew up and were punished that way before? Did they decide that it was a sucky punishment because they didn't like it themselves, and vowed to never do the same?

I know that there are probably a lot of gray areas; obviously beating your kid within an inch of their life isn't going to help any when it comes to discipline, but I think it's also true that a sore bum is enough to at least get the kids that aren't stubborn to stop doing something they weren't supposed to do.

I know that my dad and his siblings were spanked; a few smacks on the rear and tear ridden they'd either talk back and get spanked some more, or slink off to their room and learn their lesson. You don't talk back to your parents, you don't do something they explicitly told you not to do. You definitely don't swear at them.

And they love their parents despite all that. My dad visits them nearly every day, and despite getting smacked around, he knew it was because he deserved it. He was a cheeky kid, and I can only imagine that if he had been growing up now, he'd be those snotty little kids we see running around now, with an ego as big as the universe and with no shame talking back to an adult, parent or not.

I know people are touchy because of things like child abuse. But I don't think a spanking constitutes as child abuse. A little sting on your butt is hardly the same as being beaten over the head, or burned or having your bones broken.

Somehow, despite the fact I was never spanked, I turned out to be a respectful child, but that could have been from my initial shyness. Still, while my sister is happy with talking back and getting into arguments, I get no enjoyment from it. She's been talking back and screaming and slamming doors since she was in elementary school, and never once was she spanked.

The worst punishment my parents had was taking off her bedroom door, at which point they'd have to listen to her wailing and screaming for even long, punctuated by the shrieked "I hate you" every so often. My dad's always been the more intimidating of the parents, if only because he's so much bigger. You don't generally want to make someone that towers over you angry.

But the most he'd do was yell (which was loud), and that lone was enough to reduce someone to tears. In fact, I've only seen him physically lash out once, and though it scared me, I couldn't help but think my sister deserved it. In fact, I think the only reason I yelled at him to let her go was because I was afraid of what he might do, because I'd never seen him do anything before.

I'm sure it was traumatizing for my sister, being grabbed by the back of the neck and yelled at, but that was all he did. He didn't shake her, slam her into a wall, or anything like that; just jabbed a finger in her face and yelled he was sick of her shit, and once he let go Brandi ran upstairs crying and didn't come back down for dinner.

Naturally my mother comforted her when she got home, but since then my sister's been a complete bitch to my dad. She's always rude to him, and... hell, she acts a lot like Kate Gosselin. A high and mighty bitch snapping degrading remarks or expressing irritation.

From what I understand their latest argument ended with my dad yelling "Fuck you" after her, and while Brandi claims that she didn't deserve to be yelled at, I don't agree; she's sort of been egging him on since she was younger, calling him names and screaming I hate you (the insult that earned her the curse was 'Asshole'; I find it hard to believe she doesn't see anything wrong with that). And while my mother scolded my dad for cursing at a 14 year old, she never said she didn't deserve to be yelled at, she just didn't think that was the right way to go about it.

I think my parents are only now starting to realize how hateful my sister is, and my mother was surprised when I told her that Brandi had a way of making you want to smash her head into the wall and cuss her out until your voice is gone. It seems she's only been this way around myself and my dad because we have the audacity to disagree with her.

And sometimes I can't help but wonder if better discipline might have made her more tolerable.

Maybe we wouldn't all be dealing with snappy teenagers and bratty kids if parents would just suck it up and deal with their kids screaming and crying after they spank them. It might shrink their egos a little bit.

Of course, I doubt I'd ever be able to hit my kids if I have any; while I think it would help to maybe give them a spank and set them in a corner, I know that it's hard to see your child upset. Still, that doesn't mean they should walk all over you.

Well...

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 04:09:29 GMT

I'm pretty much done with Wuthering Heights. Have been for awhile, actually, and I have to admit I found the book rather interesting once I got to the middle of it. The characters were uh... interesting, to say the least. I can't say I'm a die hard fan of the book, but I've certainly read worse. However, I have to go back and annotate it and stuff, and answer the questions for it.

I suppose once I do that, I'll move onto Antigone. I don't remember any of the play, because I slept through it when I went to see it at school (YES, I found it that boring), but I want to stick to things I'm at least familiar with by name, I guess. Not sure if it'll do me any favors in the long run though.

And to be honest I still haven't been doing much lately. Graduation was on Sunday, and I played with the orchestra for it. I went to the mall with Marz and, getting there an hour before closing found a very cozy sweater and a cute little vest thing. I guess it's a good thing I decided to poke around clearance while she was looking for clothes for her senior pictures.

I swear, when I found her again, she had half the store with her. And she ended up buying only two things. Needless to say, she didn't make it out before closing, so the employees weren't too friendly with her. But I enjoyed it anyway, we hadn't spent a lot of time together because of school and such. So it was an adventure for both of us, since we didn't know how to get there without directions, and we almost ended up going the wrong way on the way back.

Still, we made it home okay and she bummed around my house until 11, and we pretty much spent that time talking about deep things and I shoved half a closet full of jeans her arms before she left (none of them fit me anymore, I think my birthin' hips are catching up to me). We didn't see each other again until yesterday, for Band Camp.

And, before that, I hadn't really left the house. It's a little pathetic, yeah, but I was playing Sims3 (more on that later). Surprisingly though Band Camp wasn't that awful; it didn't feel like it took half as long as it usually did, though there were the typical people I wanted to beat until unconcious (Keegan). Maybe it was because, for the most part, everyone did what they were told.

So, while it wasn't half as amusing as they used to be, we got a lot more done with the seniors and the seniors before them gone... though I still miss them all, really. Everyone in band is lame now. They're all either very... lame, or very stupid. And not in the amusing way. Or the endearing way. In the annoying, air head girl way.

BAND WILL BE BORING, I'M SAD.

But Marz, Jeanette and I are Corey's heroes now, because we did so well setting an example. I think we were one of the few that stayed at attention the whole time (which was hard, there were bugs all over), and when we practiced marching, it was us three and Joe that managed to keep a straight line and a good following distance the whole time. YEAH, SENIORS '10 plus a little brother!

Anyway, I've mostly just been playing Sims3; it's actually a lot more fun than I thought it would be. I don't think I'll be able to go back to Sims2.

I've been writing a little, but nothing I feel I can post. I mostly just write one shots, and then I don't bother saving them. I'm just writing to get things down, they haven't produced anything good. Sadly, hahahaaaa... yeah.

I have a bit of a headache, and since nothing else has really happened, I guess I should just shut up while I can.

Another update for the sake of an update

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 01:46:50 GMT

So, I opened up my browser and was brought to the same Yahoo homepage as always. There was a little featured article about what the name Jennifer means (just a random link to Yahoo!Answers). I was mostly interested because I thought it would be a long article of some kind explaining names in some way.

Well, either way, this is what I found: someone had asked what the name Jennifer means, and one of the answers was this: "Jennifer is a version of the very old Welsh name Guinevere. Guinevere = white phantom, white ghost."

I couldn't help but find that almost painfully ironic. I mean... it would mean that, wouldn't it? Even her name is related to ghosts. I wonder how that would make Jennifer feel if she found out that pretty much every aspect of her life is now connected to the dead somehow (and JESUS I wanna re-write RitD and Blindfolded so bad).

As for a general update of my life: there are only two official days left of school, tomorrow and Monday, then finals. It's a little sad, really; all of the seniors are graduating again and then ... well, I'll be next. I'll admit that the future and college are a bit intimidating. I don't feel I'm ready for it at all.

I've also been giving three books that I have to read over the summer for AP English next year. Technically, two are books of plays, and only one is a novel. Basically, I have to read two plays: Antigone and An Enemy of the people. I also have to read Wuthering Heights. I'll admit, since I've heard of it before (I mean, I've heard of Antigone, but Christ, it was a boring play), I decided I'd start that one first. I suppose it's because of the language gap, and the time period, but I'm finding the book annoying. I've decided that I'll have to go through and, sadly, translate it as best I can on paper as I go. A lot of it is so confusing, especially when it comes to the character's relations. I mean, was it really necessary to name Catherine after Catherine?

Either way, I can sense this one is going to be annotated to death. I'm hoping the plays will be easier. But so far, I don't see what the hype was about Wuthering Heights... so far, it's a house full of bitchy people and a guy that can't see he's not wanted. Maybe once I understand the book, I'll like it.

Especially Joseph, parts of his dialogue are just, well ... impossible.

Besides that, things have been uneventful. Though I did clean my room, which is a first for me. I did it voluntarily. And for three hours. Without even noticing. I suppose the clutter had really been getting to me, or I was really just that bored. Either way, I can't really understand why I did it.

Oh, and since I just saw a commercial for it, I really want to see UP. I'm looking forward to Transformers 2 and Harry Potter too. Of course, going to the movie theater isn't cheap, so... well, we'll see. My mom already spent so much money so we could go see the drum corp show that'll be in the area near the end of this month. It's probably cheaper to just rent a movie, even if the experience isn't as awesome.

Gosh, I need a job... if there weren't so many people I hate working at the theater, I'd try and get a job there.

Mostly an update just to talk

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 00:56:59 GMT

Lately, I haven't been posting anything because I've been able to vent through other mediums; I have a journal on my deviantART, and I chatter in forums (other than the 731 Boards, because I feel out of the loop there. So much so I can't feel comfortable about posting anything). But I've also taken to keeping a journal with me, for the purpose of being able to write and think when I don't have a computer in front of me.

But lately, through all of my pondering, I've realized how dissatisfied I am with myself as a person and as an artist and writer. I'm not sure if I ever had skills to begin with, but I look at my work and realize I lack the ability to create a story and make it flow. When I write, it isn't an art, it's just words that anyone could make. I won't say that I'm not a jealous person. I envy others in the sense that I wish I could learn how to hone what little skills I have to achieve that level they're on.

At this point, I don't feel I can, in both writing and drawing. I wonder if it's because of my own personal habits that I feel I'm failing as an artist of any kind. I spent my time writing, but it was writing that I feel really does belong on fanfiction.net in a stereotypical way; yeah, it looks nice, but you realize it's just crack reading and that you've read things ten times better than this.

When I realized this, I stopped writing. And only recently have I started an attempt again, and I feel now that I'm forcing things to happen. I wonder if it's because I already know what's happening, and it's because of this I feel it's forced, or if it's really because I'm rushing forward. I seem to lack the ability to feel comfortable with long chapters, and too many words are things that are a turn off for me. However, when I counter that with shorter sentences, I also find I hate those.

This tendency towards taking the quick way out, this lack of focus, is something I feel I've put on myself by being so reliant on the internet. I'm used to IMing, and looking for the TL;DRs. It's been a habit that's grown over time; I'm prone to skimming when I'm faced with a large wall of words, and I miss details. This habit in my reading has transfered to my writing.

It may also be because, as embarassing as it is to admit, I've been role playing with a bad influence; instead of honing my skills for writing graceful paragraphs and helping pacing, I had to adjust my style. My partner can't keep up a long story, and is always rushing things forward, leaving pacing to the dogs. It's because of this that I had to rethink writing. Because if I planned something that could take over a long span of time, it would be shortened or left out. So, I stopped thinking in that sense.

Now, as I try to write a story, I feel that I'm rushing. That I'm ignoring pacing for the sake of finishing. And I hate myself for it. I've noticed a difference between my writing in a journal and my writing that I do for a story. This comes across as far more fluent and put together, and if I can only keep a hold on this, I feel I can bring my writing to a level that I'm comfortable with.

Maybe I should just get back to this insightful long winded writing and go from there? Or perhaps I should focus on surrounding myself with writers that would be a better influence... sadly my impatience for reading and avoidance of the boards is kind of a hinderance for that, ha.

But because I have other things bothering me, I feel I should take care of those first...

Edit// It turns out that trying to fix those problems backfired, and now I only feel worse. Karma of some kind?

Leaving Spring, Coming back to Winter

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 22:11:29 GMT

So Spring Break is officially over, and I'll admit I'm very happy to be back in my own house. It was very nice in Oklahoma, though a little disappointing because things are changing so much there. Like my mom, I don't like change, haha.

Because of plan changes, we only managed to get in about four days in Oklahoma, and most of it was spent doing exactly what we DIDN'T want to do, because we were expected to do it. So, of course I'm hoping we'll be able to go down there for a longer period of time. But it was really nice to see (some) of the family again. I wasn't, however happy to come back to WINTER! It's snowing here again! I can only hope it warms up...

So, our flight was on Tuesday night; we were originally supposed to drive down on the Saturday before, but my mom was told she had to work on Monday, so it really screwed up our plans, since Dad wasn't going to go. We didn't really want to fly because, believe it or not, it's more expensive to fly to Oklahoma than it is to fly to California. That, despite the shorter travel time, none of us really enjoy the flight. We figured that it would be a nice way to just get out of the house and spend time on the road, because we all like driving. But it wasn't going to happen, and we were only going to lose more time if we did drive, so we were able to fly standby with the help of Denny, who I think is my mom's cousin.

The nice thing about standby is that it's cheap, and you have a chance to get first class. Now, we only like first class because one, it's the front of the plane, and two, because Brandi and I have such long legs, we appreciate the extra leg room. But Brandi is the one that completely despises flying, so she did a lot of complaining when she found out we were flying. Still, it really only takes an hour or two to fly compared to the ten hours or so drive.

But it was just our luck that the flight out would be delayed, so the flight that was supposed to leave at 8 PM left at 9 PM; this meant that we didn't get into Oklahoma until around 12. Luckily, my mom was able to get a car and hotel while we were in O'Hare, because we really wanted it to be a surprise that we were down there. In fact, my mom wanted to be completely secretive about it and just do all of the stuff we planned (going to different museums and stuff, which is something we've never done while we were down there).

Now, we love our family, we really do, but once they find out you're there, it's like a crime if you don't stay at their house or visit them every day, or decide to go somewhere else instead of listening to their gossip. Sadly, we decided to go to Grandma's the next day, and of course she immediately called everyone she knew to let them know we were there. So we lost a day of sight-seeing to being stuck at Grandma's until everyone could show up at her house. I was a little annoyed, because I don't really like being at my grandma's. I love her, of course, but I have nothing to say to her, and she only ever gossips about people that I don't really care about. She's also getting pretty demanding, not in the sort of domineering sense, but in the guilt trip sense.

My mom did a lot of things for her (like staying at the house all day and visiting every day as well as spending pretty much the whole vacation cooking), because it's what she's been expected to do. It pisses my mom off that we had to stay there and cook for everyone instead of actually enjoying our vacation, and I admit I was pissed off too; we went to ONE museum because Grandma wanted us back at her house because she was 'bored' and didn't want to go with us. And that museum was a bust to begin with.

We went to the Five Civilized Tribes Museum, which is basically a little historical house (which was used as the Union Indian Agency) made of two floors dedicated to the Cherokee, Choctaw, Chickasaw, Creek and Seminole. It's mostly a place that the tribes can show their art and The building itself has a ton of historical value to it, but it's very small; it had the entrance, which was basically a small room with a staircase, which served as part of the gift shop and where you paid to get into the museum. A room off to the side, which was very small, was more of the gift shop. The ground floor consisted of three (very boring) rooms with all sorts of random historical stuff.

The downside to our trip was that the top floor, which is where they display the art, was closed because they were switching floors. So it only cost all three of us $1.50 to get in, but it was really boring, and there wasn't much in the gift shop that I could get because I couldn't get it back on the plane, or because I just wasn't interested. We didn't stay there very long.

We wanted to go to the Gilcrease and Philbrook museums, which are more art museums, but because we were trapped at Grandma's we couldn't go. Instead, we went to the Aquarium the last day we were going to be there. The Tulsa Aquarium is very very very small. But they charge an obscene amount to get in. Anyway, you can literally walk through in five minutes and see everything. The pathetic thing about that is that they had recently added on to the aquarium.

Most of it was filled with local fish that you could find in a river. All in all, it had nothing against the Shedd Aquarium. In fact, we spent more time in the gift shop than we did looking at fish. I ended up buying three necklaces (one for Marlene; it's a little black heart with a starfish inside. I got a matching one) and a T-shirt with jellyfish. The jellyfish are really my favorite things to see because of the pretty colors, lol.

But besides that we really just stayed at Grandma's all day, which is what we wanted to avoid by getting a hotel room. We had to put up with some very annoying family members, but it was nice to see Nita, Charlie and Hansel; they're always really nice and are always ready to share a story or joke around. Hansel is getting very old though, and he's had a lot of health problems, so we really spent a lot of time at his house. We also did that because he and my mom have always had a good relationship.

Charlie had never really come by to visit much, but since some bad things involving custody of his grandkids, he's been spending more time and Grandma's so we were able to see him.

I wasn't able to really walk around Bixby like I had over the summer because the weather was weird; which is too bad, because the neighborhood is really changing and Bixby as a whole is becoming more... commercialized. You know, all sorts of new stores and the big chains and widening roads. So no antique shop visits for me.

We did drive through the old part of Tulsa, but it was at night and on Apache, which apparently isn't a place you want to be in the middle of the night. So despite my urge, I didn't ask mom to drive around until we find the Curtis house, lol.

The Very Definition of a Swooning Maiden

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 21:05:57 GMT

Or, you know... a sick and emotional Ponyboy. xD

Yes. I fainted again. Not as dramatic as last time, but... well, here's the info~.

We had to do this thing in Gym called the pacer. Basically, there's a track that beeps, and between the beeps you should be able to sprint from one line to the other. I kind of figured I wouldn't be able to get through too many levels, I've always been the one to get winded in no time at all. In fact, I was very tempted to not dress for gym and just sit out.

But I didn't, because it's five points off and we just started the 4th quarter.

I made it to the middle of level two before I started getting a little dizzy, and I think by round 20 I was wheezing. Like, literally wheezing. Luckily, one of my friends, Sarah, is also a slow runner, so was with me when I finally had the sense to sit down instead of collapsing like I did before.

I didn't faint completely, because I could still hear her talking to me and asking if I was okay, but of course I was trying so hard to breath and not to actually flop over that I couldn't answer.

Hausherr (gym teacher) came over, probably realized that just because I'm tiny doesn't mean I can run forever, and started asking if I have asthma. By then my other friend Cassie had taken the place of Sarah who was getting the nurse, and said that it probably was, because she's gone through something like that before, and she has asthma.

The end result was that I was once again confined to the nurse's office, because I was still dizzy and kept having coughing fits.

What a way to start off the week.

In other news, I'm hoping to go to Oklahoma for spring break. Fun fun!
I also got a fancy Epson printer and I'm going to try and print out my drawings so I can actually give them to family members again.

Some Bizarre Type of Arthritis?

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 00:29:55 GMT

My legs have always been terrible to me. Honestly. Especially this past month it seems. For awhile now, it's been increasingly difficult for me to sit down or get up, because my knee and that magical joint at my hip are so stiff/sore.

I've also found that I can't sit for long periods of time without my leg starting to get stiff and cause me pain (and it doesn't seem to matter how uncomfortable or uncomfortable the chair is). In fact, I think the only period my legs don't hurt when I'm sitting is in band. Those chairs must be magic...

I don't know if this is actually some sort of arthritis because I haven't been to a doctor about it. So far, taking ibuprofen has been helping, so my dad says it's probably something to do with inflammation.

I'm not really surprised I'm having problems with this particular leg; I got a little hair line fracture in my shin when I was younger, and for some reason they deemed it reason to bend my leg and slap a full leg cast on me. So I spent about a month with my knee bent, unable to move it in anyway.

When I went to get the cast taken off, I was specifically told not to unbend my leg. So I say, "Okay", and then proceed to roll over and on instinct stretch out my leg. Weeeell my shrieking brought the nurse back pretty quick.

It was sore for the rest of the day and I remember having to sit at home in the bath in hot water to relax everything.

Since then, it's been sporadically causing me trouble. But this month seems to be the worst ever, because it's now affecting my whole leg.

I kind of don't want to go to the doctor for this, because I know it's going to be a lot of money for nothing. So for now, I think I might have to go without knowing and just take ibuprofen and grit my teeth and bear it during class.

An update on school things

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 22:11:50 GMT

So, I decided to be adventurous and try that burrito from Taco Bell that they keep showing on commercials... and it turns out it's just a cheesy taco. But oh well.

Actually, I lied, it just became amazing, there really is rice in these things. I'm so happy!

So, today was a pretty nice day for once. Nothing stressful, nothing hectic in any way. Just a nice average day with no surprises; except of course, for the weather. It went from gray and gross to warm and sunny. It was a really nice surprise when I walked out of the school today.

I also feel good because Cassie, a person I've sort of known for awhile but just recently got close to, has been confiding in me more often. It's nice to know that she trusts me to listen and offer an opinion. I've noticed that a lot of people seem to trust me with that sort of thing sooner than I would expect. Gianna still calls me the Voice of Reason, and apparently loves how blunt I am.

I'm surprised, actually. I always that was a quality that people didn't really appreciate.

Anyway, this morning I had the urge to journal, but had no computer; instead, I used the back pages of my chemistry notebook. It wasn't anything huge, just more musings on the Mystery Man who I was positive I had seen walking into the school as my bus was pulling up. I couldn't see his face though, so I was really annoyed that I had missed him.

But I DID see him while I was walking through the hallways to get to band. He was the exact same height, had the exact same hair cut, and though his face looked slightly different than it had in my dream, I was positive it was him. I was grinning a bit like an idiot; I was thrilled to know that this person was actually in the school, lol.

Still, I had no idea what his name was, so at lunch I brought it up to my sister again, and tried to describe what he looked like. She was quiet for a minute, and started asking about little details. Finally she says, "You know, I think I know who you're talking about. Does his nose get a little bigger as it goes down?"

"It didn't really in my dream but when I saw him in the hallway, yeah, a little."

"Oh, yeah. His names Blazej. He's polish. He's going out with Patricya's cousin... weird that I would know him."

So it turns out that a lot of the things that he had been doing in the dream are apparently things he'd probably be likely to do in real life. Brandi said he's not exactly a complete asshole, but he's a typical guy.

But besides that I also started writing a bit about Jenn and Wint, trying to picture how a scene would go between them. It didn't work very well, but it was worth a try.

Mystery Man

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 21:43:28 GMT

I haven't really been doing anything but working on my Junior Research Paper. I actually caught some weird bug this morning, so I stayed home from school to fight it off with sleep and meds. But I'm a responsible student, and used the lovely school e-mail system to work out getting my rough draft to my teacher, since today it's due and that's that.

Luckily, she got my email and accepted it, so I'm going to be getting credit for turning it in. She was supposed to have someone else send me their paper so I could edit it, but I haven't gotten anything yet and the class is over in ten minutes.

Maybe someone didn't have their paper, or something. Either way, I'm feeling strangely... cool. Like, holy crap, I'm emailing my teacher and talking about an assignment. I feel old and college like.

Besides that, nothing has really happened today.

Yesterday, however, I had a really bizarre dream. See, there's this boy I see in the hallways sometimes that reminds me of Dally for some reason (except he doesn't look homeless). I have no idea what his name is, and I've probably only seen him twice this year, but I had a dream about him.

The dream was completely bizarre, I was in the girl's locker room, waiting for the bell to ring, but no one was changing and for some reason there were guys in there, along with this mystery Dally look alike. I remember what he was wearing too, lol. A red t-shirt and dark jeans. But his hair was shorter than when I had seen him last (and it looked a lot better, I wonder if he got a hair cut).

Anyway, in the dream, I didn't find it weird at all that he was in there, but he was being a bit of an ass, a lot like the other boys I know. He kept bothering me about something and laughing about it, and then randomly we were sitting on the locker room floor facing each other. He was still laughing about something, but I apparently didn't think it was very funny. I didn't feel angry with him though, more wondering what the hell he was getting at.

And, as in all dreams, something completely random and impossible has to happen, and this is one of the first instances it did: he said something and grabbed my wrists, and like, threw me over his head like he was a ninja. I landed on the floor but it didn't hurt, and I apparently found it amusing because I was laughing. Maybe because it was completely random.

But then I was standing by the doors again, and he and this boy who used to be in my gym class, Matt, were laughing about something. I got curious, and when I looked they were picking on this kid Justin. I only know him because he was in the play with me. Anyway, I watched for awhile before snapping something at them and dragging Justin off.

The Dally look alike gave me a look that seemed like a mix between annoyed and amused, but he didn't do anything to stop me.

So I end up leading Justin out of the locker room (and for some reason he's crying but I doubt he's like this in real life). I guess I was trying to reassure him because I kept talking and he was nodding a lot.

I lead him up the cat walk for some reason, but instead of coming out on the second floor, I came out on a floor that had the same layout as the upstairs media center, but it had a lot of windows.

There was some sort of meeting of like, foreign exchange students, and I remember being really quiet and sort of... James Bonding my way through to the other side of this shelf, which apparently was a class room, because my AP English teacher was sitting at a desk talking to this other Justin who was in my classes Freshman year and last year. He was kind of annoying but I liked talking to him.

Anyway, he was apparently getting on my Teacher's nerves, so I kind of carefully walked over and asked her for a pass. She acted really annoyed, and I noticed that at this point the Justin from the locker room was gone, but she still gave me a pass. I started walking off, but the Other Justin started walking after me and talking to me. I told him to be quiet because people were giving us annoyed looks. So he started whispering instead.

I walked past like, a glass wall, and on the other side was a little room with people standing around in line for something. Oddly enough Sara, my ex-best Friend's sister was there with one of her friends. She started talking about me, but I ignored her and walked to this little stair case in the corner and went down it, Justin following after me.

At this point, I came out in a hallway of the Junior High, by the front doors, and for some reason I was holding my car keys and had a purse. I noticed that my binder wasn't with me, and I walked to the common room, but Justin called my name and I stopped. He was standing by the front doors, holding one open, and he said something like, "Aren't you going to leave?"

I remember being kind of horrified at the suggestion and looking around at all of the teachers walking around. "We're not allowed to leave, I can't just ditch school."

"Oh come on."

I gave him kind of an annoyed look and I walked over to a water fountain to get a drink. He said something like, "He has your books you know," and I remember looking at him as he walked outside, before walking to the doors. When I got closer I saw Justin was talking to Dally look-a-like, who was sitting on the curb with my binder.

Then my alarm clock went off and I woke up.

And now all day I've had this terrible feeling of like... longing. I don't know why but I really want to find this guy and talk to him somehow. Since I saw him, I kept hoping he'd be in one of my classes or something, and I could at least learn his name or hear him talk. But the only time I see him is during passing period, and that's not even often. He's never walking with anyone or talking, and I think we've only made eye contact twice.

But now I'm going to be obsessing over this kid, I can feel it. In the dream it felt like we had known each other for a long time, and that I liked when he would mess with me. Which is weird, usually I get so pissed off if someone teases me or takes my things. But I get the feeling that in the dream, it was one of the only ways I knew he didn't mind me, because he was always talking to me.

I don't really know what to make of all this. I'm tempted to look through my yearbook to try and find him. It's so weird though, I can still feel his hands. They were really cold.

~~~~After about twenty minutes of searching~~~~

I couldn't find him in the yearbook! Some of them looked similiar, but none of them looked exactly like him. I'm really disappointed. I must of rearranged his features in my dream somehow.

I'm really completely disappointed, and I still have that anxious feeling I've had all day. Now that I think about it, it may not have been the boy I see in the hallways.

A few months ago a boy came to the house selling these AP books, and he looked a little similar. So now there's a possibility of four guys: Matt and Joseph from my year, and then a sophomore, and now this foreign exchange guy. Now that I'm thinking about it though, the FE guy had cold hands (he shook my hand when he met me).

I don't know who it is though, because the guy in my dream was taller than me, and the FE guy was my height exactly.

And I can't weed out that Sophomore, because I don't remember what year I first saw him, so I have no idea if he would have been there at the time. Maybe I'll see him in the hallways again so I can sort this out...

A Little Understanding

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 18:44:39 GMT

Okay, here's the one-shot I finally managed to finish. I took a little break on this one, to think over how the relationship between Darry and Jennifer really would go. And I thought that maybe he would be the only one that knew for sure she was a Medium. There's no real logic behind it, but I liked the idea.

I'm not entirely pleased with this one, but that's okay. It was refreshing to write something about her and an Outsider again. I probably completely bastardized Darry though, despite my best efforts.

Summer nights in Tulsa were something locals appreciated; and tonight, so did one tourist. Jennifer Bartnett, a Chicago native, was a bit unaccustomed to the intense heat that Tulsa natives were used to.

The night, when the sun was gone and couldn’t torture her anymore, was more her comfort zone. Nice balmy weather with a breeze.

So the Curtises and Company always knew that when Jennifer wasn’t lurking inside, she was outside in the dark, sitting on the porch and swatting at bugs with one of the many flyswatters that were kept outside.

And sure enough, when the door had opened there was the clear swish and snap of a flyswatter in use.

“You’re like a pro, huh?”

Jennifer usually didn’t look at who had decided to come out in the darkness to make sure she was still somewhere on the porch. But this time was special, and made her look up in obvious surprise.

Since she had met him, she and Darry had never gotten along very well. Not because they found each other annoying, or because she was a hell-raiser; no the only reason they didn’t get along was because Jenn was completely uncomfortably around the man.

And Darry knew it.

And it made everything a little awkward.

For Darry’s part, he didn’t avoid her only because she was uncomfortable around him, though it was a large part of the reason.

When she had been younger, only 15, she had looked like Dallas. And the effect was eerie for all of them.

But now that she was 20, she had lost most of her similarities to the teen; her narrow features weren’t really all that narrow, her pale hair wasn’t really all that pale, and her eyes were hardly as light and cold as Dallas’s.

And her defiant, hurt disposition had evaporated over the years.

So now, sitting on a wicker chair and idly waving a fly swatter around her legs, was a young woman who seemed to be stuck in the transition between having all of the wisdom in the world, and leaving the child behind.

Darry noticed, from the yellow light of the porch, that she was pouting. For what, he had no idea, and he debated on asking her while he watched the idle swing of the flyswatter. The quick snap brought him back.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked carefully. He knew that Jennifer wasn’t really one for spilling out her heart and soul. In fact, he could remember a few times where she had stormed off in annoyance because someone had asked that question.

But as he watched, he saw her give a small grimace, and her lips puckered slightly. When she did speak, her voice cracked slightly.

“Nothing.”

“Doesn’t sound like nothing.”

He and Jennifer looked at each other in surprise over his persistence. Ponyboy was usually the only patient enough to pry with her, now that Soda was gone…

But Darry had experience with this sort of prying; he had two stubborn sons who believed their manliness relied completely on how many emotions they didn’t show. Jennifer certainly wasn’t trying to prove her worth as a man, but she sheltered her feelings the same way.

“It’s my boyfriend,” she grumbled. “Still curious?”

“A little,” he admitted, pulling up another wicker chair and sitting down. “Did he forget an anniversary? Didn’t call back?”

“No. He didn’t. He was too busy lying around in bed,” she said bitterly. Darry let out a laugh, and Jennifer glared at him.

“It’s just a phone call Jenn.”

“He was lying around naked with a girl on top of him,” she finished, her tone venomous. Darry felt his face heat up, and he quickly looked out across the yard, patting his hands on his knees. He swore there was no way he’d ever get used to Jenn’s bluntness. And he had the feeling that this was her being polite.

“So he was cheating on you,” he said solemnly.

“Yes. If fucking another girl counts as cheating.”

“…It usually falls into that category.”

“I’m sorry, I doubt you came out here to hear about this,” she said, sighing. “I’m sure you really came out here to kill some bugs, right? ‘Cause there’s… four fly swatters that possibly have your name on them,” she offered.

Darry sighed, but took up a swatter anyway. He wasn’t really in a bug killing mood, but after a few swings, he was suddenly dragged into a competition.

“I’ve got ten,” Jennifer said suddenly, smacking down another bug. Darry, though older, couldn’t stop his competitive nature. He gave her a bored look, swatting down a pest.

“Don’t get cocky, just ‘cause you got a head start.”

“Yeah, let’s see if you can swing past the arthritis, Grandpa.”

It wasn’t long before Darry had matched and then beat her count, and Jennifer finally accepted that she couldn’t beat someone who had been taking out Oklahoma bugs for decades.

“Hey, Darry?”

He grunted in reply, his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his chair. He wasn’t sure what Jennifer could possibly have to ask him, and it made him a little anxious. He had a feeling that he couldn’t handle her the same way he did Grace.

“What do you think of supernatural stuff?”

Darry straightened in surprise, looking at her curiously. “Like what? Ghost stories?” he gave her an amused look. “Were you talking to Two-Bit earlier?”

“No,” Jennifer muttered, a solemn look on her face. “I just… had a feeling that something happened today,” she said mildly, looking out across the lawn. There was a long silence, and Darry shifted to get comfortable.

“What do you mean?”

Jennifer only shrugged. “Like an anniversary of somethin’.”

Darry wasn’t sure what she was trying to get at; was she trying to tell him that he’d have to deal with an angry Grace when he went back inside? Or was it something else? He frowned and thought this over for a long time, before a chill ran down his back.

“Anniversary, huh…” he muttered. “I can’t think of any.”

“It’s not exactly a happy one,” she said, slouching in her chair a bit.

It finally dawned on him what she was trying to tell him. “Our parents,” he said absently, before trailing off. He looked at her a little warily now. He wouldn’t doubt that Ponyboy might have mentioned something, but why was she telling him in such a cryptic way?

“I saw the train, when I was driving,” she said suddenly, her eyes taking on a blank quality. The effect was a bit eerie, but he realized he had seen this look on her face before. And when he thought back, he realized that it was always on a day something had happened before.

Pony had been trying to tell him things about Jennifer for a long time, but since Ponyboy could never get to the point of what he was thinking, Darry had shrugged him off. But today he had finally organized most of his thoughts.

“It’s like she’s seeing something that isn’t there, Dar. Last year, on the day the church burned down, she was coughing and complaining about having trouble breathing and kept asking if someone was burning something. And the cough didn’t start until the afternoon when the church had burned, and then stopped that night

“And I don’t think she knows anyone noticed, but she always visits the same street Dally died on, the same day at the same time. I never told her any of that, Dar, how would she know where to go?”

But Ponyboy had always had a wild imagination, and had always been partial to fantasy and the supernatural. Now, Darry wondered if maybe Ponyboy had a point.

She had acted strangely the day Ponyboy had run away and she wouldn’t walk near the park on that day either; on the day Steve and Soda had given the news they’d be in the war, she had called and asked if something bad had happened; and Grace had swore that the day they had gotten into that fight with Ray, Jenn had acted strangely as well, rubbing her scalp and looking both angry and worried, before having to lay down because of a very bad head ache.

“Jenn… is there something you want to tell me?” Darry asked carefully. She tilted her head slightly, giving him a critical look.

“I’ve seen the train before. And the car,” she said quietly. “I doubt this will make you feel better, but they didn’t feel anything.”

A tense silence fell over the porch, before Darry slowly rose and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, pacing for a few moments.

“You’re talking in riddles, Jennifer,” he said firmly, turning to look at her again. Jennifer looked a bit embarrassed.

“I’m a medium,” she said finally. “But please, Darry, don’t tell anyone else. I’m only telling you because I know you aren’t interested in knowing all of that stuff. But everyone else would ask me questions, and want me to actually talk to the dead and stuff, and-“

“Slow down, I didn’t catch half of what you were saying,” he said, looking a bit surprised. He was half hoping that between the rapid-fire-speech and the Chicago accent he had heard her wrong.

“I’m a medium,” she repeated carefully. “I see spirits… and things that have already happened. But don’t tell anyone,” she added, looking worried now. “I don’t want people to know, because then they start asking for favors.

“And I don’t really enjoy being the go-between.”

“…Normally I wouldn’t believe a word you had just said but,” Darry hesitated, looking at the pained look on her face. He remembered everything he had heard, and seen himself about Jennifer. And now that she had revealed this to him, it made sense, strangely enough.

He couldn’t help feeling a little uneasy however. “You aren’t known for being a liar Jennifer.”

She visibly relaxed, running a hand through her hair. “I just wanted to tell someone,” she muttered. “I… I told Michael, sort of. And I think that’s when he started cheating on me. I didn’t want to think that I would have to hide something like that because people would hate me. It’s not my fault.”

Darry looked at her carefully, before his curiosity got the better of him. “What’s it like?”

“What? Being a medium?” she frowned, apparently thinking this over. “After a few years of it, being harassed by the supernatural gets pretty boring. Running into the homeless is more entertaining, honestly.”

They both let out a weak laugh as Darry thought this all over. He realized that Jennifer had trusted him with something rather big and serious… and while he still had his doubts about it, he knew that she trusted him not to treat her as if something was wrong with her.

“I wish I could make people understand it better,” Jennifer said suddenly.

“I can try. I mean, this isn’t something I’m used to but… Jesus, Jenn, I can’t imagine that being something I’d want to do,” he said, frowning. Jennifer, to his surprised, gave him a grateful look.

“That’s why I told you. I knew you wouldn’t think it was cool or anything… I kind of guessed that you’d listen, but realize how much it sucks,” she said, laughing as she rose from her chair and walked over to him.

There was a moment of hesitation, before she hugged him. “If you were wondering, your parents are resting. I can’t see them,” she said quietly, before letting him go. “Dallas is as irritating as ever though,” she added as she turned away and disappeared inside.

Darry looked after her, before looking out across the yard again. As much as he loved Jennifer, he couldn’t stop the nagging feeling that something was wrong with her. He wondered if maybe it would be better for him not think about what she had told him, but he couldn’t push it out of his thoughts.

He desperately wanted to believe her, to not think she was insane, but he knew that it was something that would take time… and, on his part, a lot of questions.

So, feeling a little conflicted, Darry headed inside, trying to shrug off the feeling of being watched by someone familiar, or that he had caught a whiff of the equally familiar scent of smoke from a Kool.

Of course

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 02:39:22 GMT

I can't even finish a one-shot guys. -Fail.-

But I did produce this instead. It's watermarked with my DeviantART watermark, mostly for my own peace of mind. There's lots of art theft out there guys.

Just a picture of Jenn dealing with the dead. Or at least some sort of poltergeist thing.

A One-Shot? WUT?

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 01:58:01 GMT

Yeah, I suddenly was hit with a burst of creativity. So I'm about halfway done with a one-shot with Jennifer and Darry.

I picked to write about those two because I've been wanting to write about Jennifer for so long, and as I was thinking more about her character, and that large gap of life that I never really talked about, I realized that from the beginning she's been in a bad relationship with Darry.

Not like, I hate you relationship, but they didn't exactly hit it off very well. And I always imagined that they would never voluntarily talk to each other. And I thought that I wanted that to change. Like they would just have this moment when everything would be fine between them.

So I'm writing them a heart-to-heart. Poor Darry. I don't know if I'll be posting it on FF.net, but I'll definitely post it here.

I don't really want to post any excerpts, because I feel like it should be a surprise.

JUST BE ON THE LOOK OUT. Since we all like seeing Darry being put in awkward situations.

Just something to keep me busy.

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 22:28:50 GMT

A little Meme thing I posted on my deviantart, and figured would interest some people that watch my journal. Also, the last show of the play was yesterday, but now I have a junior project to work on. Still I want to work on fitting Long Time Running into my writing schedule (it really has no reason to be unfinished other than me being lame, sadlaaaaawl.)

1. What is your character's name?
- Jennifer Bartnett.

2. What is your character's name in another language?
- In another language? Le'see. Genevra, French. Means Tribe Woman. Was apparently based off of the ridiculous name of Gwenhwyfar, which is Welsh and means Free Spirit. I have no idea whether this has any fact to it.

3. How old is he/she?
- In this point in time, she would be... 38. In her story appearances she's 15/16, then she's 27 or so after.

4. What is your character's race/species?
- She's American, but her heritage is actually Dutch. She has no idea though.

5. Do they have a crush?
- She has had a few crushes; her classmate Matthew Tiery, who is now a good friend of hers, her crush-turned-boyfriend-turned-ex Michael Haff, and now Winston Snell, an engaged architect that she unexpectedly became friends with.

6. Do they have many friends?
- Jennifer has a lot of acquaintances. She has a handful of friends, and a sort of extended family. Her best friends, Dawn Linton and Matthew Tiery are both from her high school years.

7. What planet is your character from?
- She is from Earth. 8D
But her origins are in the Outsider's Universe (that's Fanfiction talk for you).

8. Does your character like to eat?
- She's not picky about her food, and she doesn't hate eating, but it's not something she's really crazy about to the point of being a connoisseur.

9. What's his/her favorite food?
- She likes anything spicy. But given that she grew up in Chicago, she has a soft spot for Italian Beefs and Polish sausage. Those are her fall backs if she can't think of anything else.

10. What's his/her favorite drink?
- It's not a drink exactly, but she really likes strawberry shakes/smoothies.

11. Is your character annoying?
- Her attitude can cause a lot of friction. She has a lot of smart remarks that embarrass people or make them upset. She also has moments of sudden OCD, and her control freak attitude has annoyed a few people.

13. Is your character loved?
- She's very loved. She has her family and extended family who care for her very much. And of course there are some people who just haven't told her yet.

14. Is your character hated?
- She's gotten on the bad side of some of the dead. And of course, there are people in high school that she never got a long with. Aaaand she's on the list of Elsie Gould, for being Wint's pretty friend. Haaaa, just like high school.

15. Is she/he emo/goth?
- She never got into the whole fashion niche thing. She didn't really have enough money to keep up with any one fashion.

16. Is she/he straight, bisexual, or gay?
- Very straight.

17. Is she/he a virgin?
- No. She had a boyfriend and was in college. What do you think happened? Haaaa. She's abstinent now though. (I bet NONE of you would have guessed that. Or maybe you did).

18. Name 3 hobbies:
- Organizing/re-organizing, driving (which I still find strange, but), and avoiding spirits.

19. Is your character normal?
- Not at all. Jennifer is actually a medium; she sees and speaks with spirits, and sees and hears 'imprints'. She doesn't actively seek out spirits or tries to help people or anything. She actually tries shooing most of them away.

20. Is your character attractive?
- She's a pretty girl. She has very soft sort of narrow features. She looked a little awkward when she was younger though.

21. How does your character handle emotions?
- She yells or hits things. She did this more often when she was younger, she has more of a reign on her violent responses now. She's also apt to cry. A lot. And if she doesn't want to cry or hit something, she'll watch Jurassic Park.

22. Does your character have other forms?
- No, she doesn't. Though, I suppose with typical medium lore, to ghosts and spirits she looks like a blob of light.

23. Does your character overreact?
- Uh. Yes. Especially when she's younger, she was very dramatic and moody. Now she tends to be more quiet and acid like. Which is a little more intimidating. She has been known to hit things or go into a short period of hiding. She does try her best to act rational about most things, but... it doesn't always work.

24. Is your character a criminal?
- No. Though, she may become a person with a minor criminal record depending on how the latest story goes.

25. Does your character go to school?
- She went to high school, then tried college to learn about the typical CSI/law enforcement stuff. However, she dropped out of college after realizing that she couldn't handle the crime scenes. She still thinks of going back to college and trying something else, usually when a moody child and screaming and kicking at her.

26. What's his/her IQ?
- I have no idea of an exact number. I doubt she's genius level. Maybe a little below gifted.

27. Does your character have a disease/curse?
- She does not consider being a Medium a gift. She wasn't even born with the ability. She gained it on accident after becoming a little too involved with the after life.

28. Is your character dead?
- Nope. Though she does interact with them a lot, obviously.

29. Does your character have a family?
- She was actually adopted, so she has biological parents (knows nothing about them), and then her adoptive parents Alice Tate Bartnett and Ronald "Ronnie" Bartnett. She has her Uncle Paul and Aunt Cynthia Tate, who have a daughter Lillian. Her grandparents too. Then she has the Tulsa family, the Curtis, Matthews and Randle familes. She's closer to the Curtis family, though Two-bit really enjoys having her around.

They don't know that she's a medium, but I like to think that Ponyboy knows she might be sensitive to things like that. He seems like he would be himself.

30. Has he/she encountered any tragic times in life?
- While she was growing up, Alice and Ronnie argued behind closed doors, and Ronnie eventually left. Alice told her it was because he was a bad person with an addiction that he couldn't help. When she was 15, a little before her 16th birthday, Alice died from a disease Alice's father had (still not sure of specifics).

Ronnie came back after Alice died, and Jennifer lived with some guilt after realizing that Alice had driven Ronnie away with her obsession for another man. She's now torn over her feelings for both of her parents.

She also experiences other's tragedies.

31. What's the best time in your character's life?
- I'd say... any time before she learned about the other side of Alice and Ronnie.

32. If you could name one friend, which would you relate to your character?
- Jennifer isn't really like any of my friends, though she could easily be one.

33. Is your character single?
- Yes. At least for now.

34. Has he/she developed any relationships?
- Well, I'd say so, given that she has her family, friends and now Wint.

35. Does he/she have an element?
- I'm not sure. I can't really think of one off the top of my head. Which element is known for being intuitive?

36. Do you roleplay your character?
- I tried, but it didn't go well. She's very grounded in the Outsiders universe.

37. Do you write about your character?
- Mhm. She has her own story, and another in the works. I also have a lot of little short things that I wrote about her.

38. Does your character have a bad temper at times?
- Yes. She has a terrible temper.

39. Does your character get depressed?
- She gets... confused. Usually when she feels that she needs something but doesn't know what it is. I suppose she goes through some depression; it's normal for most people.

40. What's your characters favorite animal?
- Jennifer likes cats.

41. Does your character have any fears?
- She knows enough about death that she doesn't fear it. She's afraid of becoming like the lost souls she deals with. She's also afraid of eels.

42. Does your character have any weaknesses?
- She's incredibly sensitive to strong emotions or events, and actually open to being harmed by spirits. There have been times that she's fainted or been harassed by spirits that notice her.

43. Does your character look up to anyone?
- She really admires her cousin Lillian. She looks to her as someone she wants to be.

44. Does your character like music?
- Se enjoys listening to it, but doesn't mind silence.

45. What's your character's favorite type of music?
- She grew up with rock and roll and big band type of music (you know, jazzy stuff).

46. Is he/she impatient?
- She normally is a patient person, but some situations she has no patience for.

47. What's something funny about your character?
- She used to have buck teeth when she was younger. Her nickname was Rabbit for a very long time.

48. Name 5 nicknames.
- Rabbit, Blondie, Titania which is really only here because I couldn't think of another, Jenn, Miss (from the daycare. A lot of the kids forget her name).

49. Does your character curse?
- Yes. Not all the time, but she is a bit less concerned with being vulgar than most women.

50. This test is over, what does your character have to say?
- "Shit, I was supposed to somewhere, wasn't I?"

Something seriously wicked this way comes

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 00:34:03 GMT

Hell week is coming up for the play, and I don't feel entirely confident that the show will be good. There aren't really enough of us that are actually singing to be heard (we can only sing so loud), and the dancers are pretty much refusing to sing or learn the songs. Well, I take that back. They learned one.

I'm not worried about my own parts, I know them. I just want the whole show to look good for all of us. Mrs. J and the others pretty much saying it looks like crap isn't helping.

All in all, I'm getting frustrated. I think they're expecting too much out of us, because they keep pressuring us to be louder, and saying it looks like crap, or it's horrible, after making us run it ten times in a row.

We get tired, alright? Maybe if you had actually been there for the first run through and not the seventh, you wouldn't have thought it sounded like shit. But belting out the song and dancing at the same time that many times in a row (and for me, jumping off and onto a chair quite a few times), well... yeah, it's gonna start sounding bad.

Ah well. I don't have to watch it. And I don't have many scenes (my two biggest ones are getting arrested and being in a line up, and the first number of act 2, the one we ran to death yesterday).

Ironically enough, I'm the girl getting engaged at the beginning (it's not a real part, we just decided that would be what I'm doing because the lead sings about being sad and lonely as she walks by me), and then by the second act I'm singing Forget About the Boy. I'll probably take my ring off by then.

I'm really sore from all of the running around and the high heels I wore yesterday. For seven. Hours. Straight.

I got really annoyed because this girl I talk too online was complaining about being tired after her SATs and rollerblading with her friends (all together an 8 hour day). But the test is just sitting there, and I doubt she skated 4 hours non-stop.

So I told her to run around for seven hours straight singing and dancing in high heels.

Because I ended up sleeping for 13 hours, and my legs and feet are still killing me. Lol.

I'm hoping the show will be amazing, so this wouldn't have been a waste of two months.

I'll be glad when it's over though.

Tales of the Mundane and Altogether Hopeless.

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 23:40:11 GMT

I think things are pretty bad with your social life when the most exciting thing to happen to you is get an e-mail or some other sort of message via the Interwebz. Oh, and when you buy sweaters because they remind you of house colors from Harry Potter.

Speaking of House makes me wonder why there are no House M.D. shirts ... I'd buy one right away, oh yes. Maybe I'll start a shirt hunt.

Anyway, today I had to wake up early for TMM rehearsals. Actually, I woke up with really no trouble at all, and was completely wide awake even though I got six hours of sleep instead of my normal 9-12 (I don't know why but I always naturally sleep for that long depending on the circumstances. People saying you can function on seven hours of sleep are liars).I think I was one of the few people that was awake this morning.

Marz, Brandi and Sarah were completely out of it, and everyone else was complaining about being tired or showing up late (which generally means they had trouble waking up or woke up late).

But even though I was wide awake around 8-2, I'm completely drained now. And we didn't do much in rehearsal. We're still trying to figure out blocking and trying to beat it into the dancer's heads that they need to sing the songs like the rest of us. They, of course, are too busy gossiping to care.

It's really irritating, how little self control they actual have.

But it turns out, again, that we didn't have to be there for the whole rehearsal time so I decided I was hungry and drove Brandi and Marz to IHOP. I think we might have been a little loud, because all of the 'adults' there were around us were like, muttering about everything. The topic of conversation focused mainly on movies and more specifically Twilight.

Brandi saw a bootlegged version and is, of course, hooked. But we had a lot of laughs pointing out the faults in the movie, especially Edward's facial expressions. I guess the only actor who was really any good was the guy who played James.

I'm personally glad I never went to see it in theaters, I would have been laughing louder and longer than would have been appropriate.

But Marz had plans with John, so when we left IHOP, we parted ways and after wasting some time Brandi and I headed home. I was going to scan some pictures, but my mom hijacked the computer away from the scanner, so I'll have to wait or something. I do have a picture I should be coloring/lining in the mean time, but I really don't have any interest in it.

I'm being distracted instead by an odd pull to write, even though I have nothing to write about (which is part of the reason why I've been updating so much recently).

And while I was sitting around until now, browsing the internet and realizing that I was very sad that I had no Private Messages, comments or e-mails, decided I am a hopeless person. I don't know if it's my anxiety to talk to someone, or just to see that I have them, but my mood seems to be entirely hinged on who is online, and how many messages I have.

An altogether depressing thought, at least at the moment (this all sort of hints at a bizarre addiction, I think).

I went shopping on Saturday, to back track a little bit. Brandi had asked to go to the mall earlier in the day, but changed her mind because her friend Tina had gone to the mall every day that week. Not to shop of course. Brandi's friends don't go to the mall to shop, they go to be seen. So dear sister said she would be going ice skating instead.

Well, I still wanted to go, I had gift cards burning holes in my pockets, $245 to spend, actually, and I wanted to spend at least some of it. It turns out that now is a pretty good time to go shopping. I got a ton of sweaters, originally around twenty or thirty dollars, for around ten.

I also got a new watch, a modern, very circle oriented white one with four huge numbers. It's a little hard to tell time with... but at least it's something. I have a constant need to know the time, and I'm happy with at least an educated guesstimate.

I went into another store and was pleasantly surprised with MORE sweaters, and an overwhelming amount of other clothes. This store was huge really, it was surprising. But I was even more surprised to find that they had sweaters that vaguely resembled Ravenclaw house colors, both movie and book (Movie is blue and silver, book is blue and bronze; not sure why they changed it...). And since that's my house, and they make almost NOTHING for it, I decided I should snatch it up while they were on sale. They're just little button up things, because the striped pullover I found was really not that attractive. But I'm happy none the less.

I ended up spending both of my gift cards, $145, in only two stores. But I got a LOT of used to be expensive stuff, so I was actually pretty proud of my excursion.

I stopped in one more store, but a zip up because I don't really have enough of those, and then left the mall. I felt uncomfortable with spending anymore money, but I was happy that my mom hadn't had to pay for a single thing. She's very worried about her job and money, and her shopping habits don't really help that. I've sort of taken it upon myself to tell her to think if she really needs to buy this, or that it's not worth buying.

She doesn't really have any self control when it comes to shopping. She'll buy it even if we have no use for it. It's actually very annoying. Mostly because I think of all of this stuff that's just going to sit and have no use, and for some reason feel guilty about it. And I didn't even buy it.

I've recently decided to once again go through my things, mostly my clothes, and get rid of things. Pack rat that I am, I'm running out of room to keep things I actually use on a regular basis, and the mess in my room is starting to annoy me.

A random update

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 19:07:10 GMT

I don't really have anything else to do at the moment. So, here's a completely random, nothing special update.

I was supposed to try and get character shoes today, but that was kind of shot down awhile ago. So anything else I was going to do was kind of shot down as well, but I guess it's for the best. I'm really sleepy. Again. I don't think it's because I'm not getting enough sleep. I may be staying up late, but I'm not waking up early. I'm getting enough hours.

Buh, I don't know. Maybe it's because I never sleep well.

I still haven't gotten around to those commissions...

I'm too tired to even think properly, egh.

I was going to watch the DCI 2008 DVDs I got for Christmas. But my dad won't get out of the living room. He's actually just been sitting there for like... a week. And I'm getting kind of sick of it, I wish he'd find something to do besides smoke and watch TV.

I was on a train of thought, but I think I just jumped off. Maybe I should figure out a way to sleep better...

Under the Influence of Boredom

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 03:37:48 GMT

So, I was sitting in my room looking around, and I noticed I hadn't wrapped Brandi's or Marlene's presents yet. They've just been sitting in the bag. For more than a month. No wonder I forgot about them. Even though Brandi's gift is a giant sheep. Lol.

I'm still not sure if we're supposed to be opening gifts tomorrow, but I think I'm going to wrap them before Brandi gets home from her friend's tomorrow. I mean, she already knows what she's getting, she told me only three things and I got them. But still.

I have two commissions that I'm supposed to be working on, but I haven't been in the mood to get them done. I'll just use the holidays as an excuse or something. I have a request to do too, but he said he'd be happy when ever I got around to doing it and that I shouldn't rush. Actually, it's not even really a request, because he insisted on waiting until he could pay, but since I know him pretty well and he's helped me a few times already, I felt he deserved a freebie.

I was supposed to go bowling with a group of buddies tonight but the roads were complete shit so we had to move the day to next Tuesday. Hopefully I won't be busy and will feel up to it then (the good news is that it won't be that time then and my skin will hopefully have calmed down, lol).

So instead of working on what I'm supposed to, I've been playing Sims a lot. One of my families is like a pair of rabbits I swear. SEVEN. KIDS. Two have moved out, two are teens, one is a kid, one is a toddler, one is a baby. Luckily, I know a cheat to keep everyone happy when things get out of control.

Now that I'm thinking about Christmas, I hope none of my misinformed family buys me Twilight because it's a big book. It will ruin Christmas if they do (I'm still very anti-twilight). I mean, I'll laugh my ass off, and probably give it to my sister because she's been wanting to read it despite my warnings, but still.

I'd have to straight out say, "I hate it". And that won't be fun. For the person that bought the book. Lol.

That's actually my only fear for Christmas. That Twilight is hiding in one of my boxes.

I really want some nachos from Taco Bell... and it's not even 3 AM.

And I really need a new book to read. I've already re-read Harry Potter. And Kamikaze Girls. And others. Lol.

Oh well, hopefully I'll find something that doesn't involve vampires.

Or a magic 8th Harry Potter will show up. If only.

Oh, and if you want to see a cute music video, find Winter Song by Sarah Bareilles on YouTube if you haven't seen it already. It's adorable. :3

And So It Goes

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 20:31:31 GMT

I totally jacked that from the Cavalier show I watched recently. Oh well, like they'll care.

I've been kind of elusive on the internet lately, and it was mostly to get myself back in order. I've been really out of sorts lately and tired, so I decided to go back to less computer time, keeping in contact with people I know offline only for the most part.

I haven't been able to produce anything writing wise, so I think that I won't be updating anything that I've been working on by myself (poor Ted).

Still, school is managing to continue stressing me out over break. I have an essay for AP English I'm supposed to do, but since I haven't been that good on my writing, I haven't been able to get a good start on it. I also have something to do for AP US History, but since the answers are all in the book all that will do is take some time.

The most worrisome for me are my assignments for band. I have to do recordings, and while I play really well at school, I can't play well at home. I don't know what it is, but I can't. So I haven't been able to do the recordings as well as I should. I still haven't done the scale sheet (which I can fly through at school), which is part of my final, and I have a solo to do too. But that one shouldn't be too hard.

I have other recordings that are late that I have to do as well, but I know I won't be able to play it right. I suppose I could blame it on my ancient clarinet, but I think it also has to do with my breathing. For some reason, I run out of breath quickly at home when I try to play.

I think that I may have asthma, but I haven't bothered asking my mom to set up an appointment to test that theory. But since she has asthma, and my sister has asthma, I don't think it's a long shot that I probably do.

At least I don't have to worry about Christmas shopping. I got all of that done ages ago, and I'm pretty happy with how well I did. I don't usually do my own shopping, so I was pretty proud. I'm not sure if I'll get everything I explicitly asked for (Marz, I expect that blanket), but I don't really mind. I'm guessing I'll get a lot of money, so I'll just go out and buy what I didn't get, right? Ha.

And I also got a nice gift from a friend on Gaia Online. He gave me Photoshop 7, so now I have all of the tools I didn't have with Elements, especially the pen tool and the ability to mask layers.

I should also be able to use more brushes and patterns, which will make my life easier as well.

I think drawing has actually taken up most of my passion to write. I still think of stories though, but I can never get them down on paper. Or on a word document, if the case may be.

Which is also why I haven't been hanging out at the 731 boards. I don't really think I should be there if I'm not reading and writing fan fiction, it makes me feel strange.

Also, I don't know if I mentioned it here, but I'm now involved in the school's production of the musical Thoroughly Modern Millie. So far, I like the musical, but things aren't really going as smoothly as I would personally like.

Anyway, I tried out for a dancing part and they gave me a singing part, and I'm kind of glad. Singing has been a lot of fun. Now if only someone would realize there are three voice parts that we should be in when she tries to make up choreography...

That's probably the most frustrating part for me right now, the choreography.

I'm hoping that I'll be happier with everything once things get more organized.

At least I have Christmas cookies to keep me happy.

Speaking of Christmas though, things are getting kind of odd. It turns out that my Grandma doesn't want us at her house before four, and doesn't want us to bring any food. We're having sandwiches and polish sausage for Christmas dinner.

I mean... I can understand if she doesn't want to cook dinner, but at least let us bring our own food and then take it home with us. Sandwiches and sausage isn't really a dinner.

My mom was kind of annoyed too, so she decided we'd have a nice dinner on Christmas Eve. Still, we think it's because of the stress of having Aunt Pam and her two boys living with them now, along with the fact that my Grandma has to get gallbladder surgery (or something of the sort).

I mean, I don't blame her for getting annoyed I don't like spending much time around Aunt Pam either. I guess Grandma and Grandpa didn't expect her to be staying with them for so long. They're also pretty bothered with Aunt April, because she's started drinking pretty heavily again.

I guess they don't want to spend more time around the whole family than they have too. But if we come later, we're just going to end up staying there later, so I don't see the logic behind that one. I might end up driving myself there if the weather isn't bad.

Dad also wants us to open our presents on Christmas Eve, because for some reason he thinks Kelli will be bothered she didn't get as much. Uh, Dad? Half those presents under the tree are yours. We bought you a shit load of clothes like you asked, so I think you should open presents on Christmas Eve.

'Cause I need something to do Christmas morning besides make eggs.

All Finished

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 02:43:21 GMT

I finally finished coloring this. It got really frustrating at one point, so I finally had to use some simple methods of shading. Either way, I'm happy to have it done. And I hope who ever sees this enjoys it. :3

I was going to write a little snippet to go along with it, but I'm not really in the mood for it right now. Anyone else is free too, of course, if you feel an urge.

Just Popping In

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 23:10:39 GMT

I haven't updated anything here in awhile (or anywhere else really), so I figured it would be a good time to let people know what's going on besides leaving them with my news of blacking out because of a volleyball. xD

In terms of writing, I'm putting some things on hold, and deleted a few things (Manzanas y Naranjas is gone, sorry to say, as is another story that no one at this journal probably read); Ted is still on hold as well, and I'm thinking of editing it so it can sit as a short chapter story.

I don't think I'll be continuing with The Mechanic either, and I will eventually delete it as well; I lost the inspiration to write the story.

Most of the reason why I haven't been writing is because I've been distracted with school, chatting with other friends, and an MMO that launched on Gaia Online, a forum site I frequent; I've also started taking casual commissions there for art as well, so I've been doing more drawing lately.

I took a break from doing commissions though, to draw something I've been wanting to do for awhile;

I've been wanting to draw Jenn suffering through a Chicago winter for a while, so I sketched her last night. Then on a whim, I threw Wint in the background, surprised to see her. And her traitorous scarf. And since we never got too far in the story, Artemis and I are probably the only ones that get why he's surprised to see her (I actually want to finish this story very badly Artemis. It's been chewing at my guilt center for awhile, lol).

I just started coloring it a few minutes ago, because finding a decent picture of the Chicago Christmas tree from last year was pretty hard.

Not that this took place in 2008, but there aren't any pictures of earlier trees floating around. It's on a low opacity right now, so it won't be so washed out when I'm done (you wouldn't be able to see the lines of the drawing if it was at 100%).

I was also trying a new style of drawing. I think it went okay. I'll keep tweaking it, of course. 'Cause they both look like they're blonde asian kids. LOL.

I should be doing APUSH and APEng homework right now. Bah...

Edit// It figures that after I draw a winter picture, it would start snowing in the morning. We're supposed to get about 6 inches, and I'm sad because that's not enough for a snow day. Which is why I hate snow. It never means anything good, it just means it's an annoyance for when I have to drive or walk to the bus stop for school.

It better not actually stick.

Things Finally Got Interesting

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 22:18:23 GMT

So, today started off as a pretty average, nothing special day. Kind of warm like the rest of the week, same bus ride, same boring first period and so on.

I was actually in a pretty bad mood around lunch time because of Band and the evident lack of self control and possible mental retardation of half of the band; still lunch was actually pretty good, because I got a really yummy soup.

Anyway, I went to gym in a pretty good mood; we were playing volleyball, and I'm decent enough at the game that I wasn't dreading it. My team was actually doing pretty good (even if poor Tom was a little off his game today).

Anyway, there was ten minutes left in the class, and the other team was serving. The boy did a really hard overhand serve, and I was going to bump it, but it didn't go low enough. So, in my infinite wisdom, I slap the ball.

Yes. I slapped a fast moving volleyball. I wasn't thinking, obviously. My wrist snapped back and it hurt like a bitch, and I wasn't really worried until it fell limp and I couldn't feel it anymore. So I waved myself off and strolled over to Dini, my gym teacher.

By then I was kind of tingling all over, like when you stand up a little too fast after laying down for so long, but I figured that would go away once I got over the shock of being hurt. I told Dini, on the verge of crying, actually, that I couldn't feel my wrist so he told me to go to the nurse.

So I hurry out of the gym to head down the hallway. I was getting a little worried because the dizziness wasn't leaving and I still couldn't feel my wrist, and I was embarrassed because I was sure my eyes were bloodshot. I was about half way down the hallway when my vision started getting fuzzy and tunneling in, my hearing got fuzzy, and I was swerving rather dangerously down the hallway.

I saw the nurse's office secretary, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up on the hallway floor. I had blacked out right in front of the nurse's office door. Naturally, I was really confused, and looked completely lost, and then I started crying.

The nurse called over Dini since the gym classes were going back to the locker rooms and he looked really guilty because he had sent me down alone. He told the nurse that I had only told him my wrist hurt, and that I hadn't looked faint when I was leaving the gym.

So they helped me into a wheel chair (holy crap embarrassing), and as per usual, the nurse's office was packed with kids with free periods hanging out with the secretary, so I had to kind of hide my face in case I knew someone.

My wrist is actually okay (it's still a little sore, but okay), but I was really nervous and shaken up after blacking out so I went home instead of going to eighth period.

The nurse told my dad that some people had that reaction to sudden or severe pain, and that, if I had known it was going to be my reaction, it would have been a better idea to just sit it out instead of going to the nurse's office.

But I really wanted an icepack, so hey. I got what I wanted. Luckily, that was the only thing I hurt; the nurse's secretary fell with me when I blacked out and stopped me from cracking my head open.

This all made me think of the thread in the Boards about Ponyboy and his fainting. xD

October 1st, a popular day to push out babies

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 01:40:38 GMT

Well, today is my, Artemis's, Rachel's, Tina's, about five random people at TGIFriday's and one of my friends on Gaia's, birthday.

I think this is the first year where I've felt like October 1st is a really popular day for having kids.

Today was just eventful enough though, which was good. I felt like just enough people wished me happy birthday, haha.

My sister actually decorated my band locker while I was trying to open it, lol. And when she left the locker room she discreetly told Mr. Corey it was my birthday, before running off. So when I went out into the hallway, Corey was at the other end, and when he spots me he yells, "Today's your birthday?!"

And everyone kind of stopped, lol. So I yell, "YEAH!"

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen! 8D "

"Awesome, soon you can buy some sweet cigarettes!"

"Hell yeah!"

And in the middle of all of this were 'Happy Birthday's' and high fives. "Yeah! High Fives for living!" was my response.

Ironically enough, someone ended up smoking in the band hallway and dumping the cigarette in the garbage can, lol.

As they day went on I was attacked with random happy birthday's and sympathy for my mother for having me at midnight.

I was kind of bummed that my birthday was on a Wednesday, because I'd have to wake up early, but it was pasta day, and the lunch lessons I had went really well, so... oh, and I also, once again, surprised my AP English teacher.

Around the time school started we had an AP pretest to see how we would do, and I pretty much aced the thing when the rest of my class bombed it (so she didn't count the test, damn it). And today we had a vocab test, and I think I finished in 15 minutes. Mostly because I had to wait for her to dictate the word bank. Hell, it might have been less.

But I think everyone else was kind of fumbling through, and people kept asking her questions, so when I finished, I put it in a nice pile and sort loudly whispered, "Mrs. Juriiiick." And she looks up expecting a question. Instead I ask her what to do when we're done.

And there was a long pause, and everyone stopped there test and she just asks, "You're done?" So I nod. She blinks. "Both sides?" I hold up the paper and flip it back and forth and put it down. "...Well, you can work on your presidential speech annotations."

So I'm just calmly putting my books on my desk to get to my binder and everyone's like, "You're done?" "Did you actually know the answers?" "Are you kidding?" "Someone check her for steroids". Yeah, not even kidding about that, lol. Thanks EJ.

So it was a pretty boring English period. It was like, ten minutes later until someone else finished their test.

I wasn't particularly surprised that I finished so fast. Last year I would breeze through all of the vocab tests. I don't actually study, but from doing the workbooks, I remember what the words mean and where they're supposed to go when I see the definitions. And this test didn't even have definitions. Just sentences and Antonyms. Which probably why it took my longer than five minutes.

Anyway, Marlene got me these really cool books: "The DailyCandy Lexicon: Words That Don't Exist but Should", which is basically words that the editors of DailyCandy put together into a lexicon, haha. And then "The Definitive Guide to Stuff White People Like: The Unique Taste of Millions". It's really great, haha. It's basically a white guy sporking his own people.

The summary is amazing too:

"The White Stuff

They love nothing better than sipping free-trade gourmet coffee, leafing through the Sunday New York Times, and listening to David Sedaris on NPR (ideally all at the same time). Apple products, indie music, food co-ops, and vintage T-shirts make them weak in the knees.

They believe they're unique, yet somehow they're all exactly the same, talking about how they "get" Sarah Silverman's "subversive" comedy and Wes Anderson's "droll" films. They're also down with diversity and up on all the best microbrews, breakfast spots, foreign cinema, and authentic shushi. They're organic, ironic, and do not own TVs.

You know who they are: They're white people. And they're here and you're gonna have to deal. Fortunately, here's a book that investigates, explains, and offers advice for finding social success with the Caucasian persuasion. So kick back on your IKEA couch and lose yourself in the ultimate guide to the unbearable whiteness of being."

I'm only on 30 out of 150. But I'm loving it.

All Colored

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 00:16:23 GMT

I was gonna put the guardians in there stopping Dallas from mauling them, but I don't feel well enough. I was lazy enough with the coloring. I still have no idea if that's what Wint looks like, but it is for now. >____>

I did draw this though, for Jurassic Park (More Jenn related shit, this is getting ridiculous).

Alan Grant riding a T-Rex. I get silly when on medication.